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STOLEN UNICORN COSTUME

NO REWARD

I don’t even want the costume back. I made these flyers to tell you that I hate you, costume thief. I hope it looks good on you in hell.

Interview with Clair Littleton the Music Critic

Just a few short years ago she was a scared, lonely, and young mother-to-be flying on a plane to LA to put her baby up for adoption. Then WABAM! throw in a plane crash to a mysterious island, giving birth, falling for a drug-addicted semi-rock star, being a pawn for the smoke monster, and then being separated from her baby for three years, and voila, she becomes a cold-blooded killer. Oh LOST, what a show. But anyways, she has recently picked up music criticism and talks here about First Aid Kit’s first LP, The Big Black and the Blue:

incandescentbanter: So First Aid Kit. Another Fleet Foxes wanna be band, just with a Swedish female vocals twist?

Clair: (cutsie Australian accent) Oh my gosh no! Well, I will be honest, my very first impressions of the band were just like you described, but it only took a few minutes of listening to tell they stand out from the mold.

incandescentbanter: And how do they do that? They have losts, sorry, lots of acoustic guitar, harmonization, songs about winter and the occasional instrument that you cant pronounce the name of featured.

Clair: They put a ton of emotion in their songs. You can feel it. In fact, there were a couple times where chills ran down my back as I gave the album my first listen. I hadnt had that happen to me from music in a while. Makes me think of my son Aaron.

incandescentbanter: Statndout track?

Clair: I Met Up with the King is particularly good. Almost made me cry.

incandescentbanter: So how do you relate with these Sweedish girls?

Clair: Well they are very young, still in their teens, but their lyrics suggest theyve done a lot of growing up. My having a baby so young made me do the same. Also, their musicianship really reminds me of Charlie, he puts of lot of emotion in his songs too. You all need to listen to his band, Drive Shaft too (you’re welcome Charlie!).

incandescentbanter: Alrighty, thanks Clair!

First Aid Kit
The Big Black & The Blue
Wichita (2010)

7.9

So whats up with corn mazes? Who came up with them? Here my theory:

Farmer Joe, from the Midwest, was thinking 'Dang, I hate it when the corn gets taller than me and I get lost in it.' So he made a path going through his field. Then when he got lost, he could simply get on the path that led him out of the field. After thinking this over, he thought hed make a branch off the path that led him back to his house for conveniences sake. That worked out so well, he decided to make one to the barn, then one to the hay field, then one to the 7-Eleven, then one to the crick. Before he knew it, he could barely remember which path went to where-he was just as lost as he was in the first place. And that there was the first corn maze, the world ever saw.

Heres whats come of it:

Commercial Maze

Obsessed Girl Maze

Blonde Jokes are Old Maze

ADVERTISEMENT

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Is animal comfort one of your top priorities?

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Dont think that your fish’s fin gets cold reaching for the remote too??

Even bears need snuggies.

Well its official, the 90s are the new 80s. Time to get back into the 90ular grove by reintroducing your self to... FURBIES

Remember these things? Looking back, these ‘robots’ are a little creepy. Ya know how they would turn on and say some Furbish phrase every time you walked by them? Annoying. They really didnt do anything exciting. Just stood there and yapped.

Wasnt there some kind of back story about them being aliens from another planet? Maybe that was true and this was the plan.

‘All I am is a machine after all’ – Furby

So did they make a real living Furbster?

So Ill say it, Im ok with Google taking a part of every aspect of my life. I like Google Reader/Maps/Gmail/Translator/Chrome/Images/Buzz/Calendar/Docs/ News/Books/_____ and use them on a daily basis.

Theres a lot of talk about how Google wants to:

- take over the world

- burn all books

- create a false/virtual world for everyone

- become your brain

I dont buy it though, I think those two guys who made it are the good guys. I have nothing to hide, Im no spy, who cares if they know I like soccer, or buy cds on Amazon? I believe they do what they say,

“Dont be evil” – Two Google Guys

For those who truly are afraid of Googles influence in their lives, watch this video and learn how you can ‘opt out’ here.

Is it time to ‘get off the grid’ and move into the mountains?

Google > Bing ? (Ill answer that, yes)

If youre a ‘gangster’, do you use Gizoogle?

Interview with Mike Rowe the Music Critic

After years of getting filthy in his famous show on Discovery, Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe has decided to hit the occupational shower so to speak, and see what its like for the music critic. He takes on the heavy task of reviewing one of the most anticipated releases of the year, “The Suburbs” by Arcade Fire.

Mike: My names Mike Rowe, and this is my job. I explore the country looking for people who arent afraid to listen to music – hard-working men and women who earn an honest living listening to every song that comes out so the rest of us dont have to. Now, get ready to get listening!

incandescentbanter: Hey Mike, thanks for that intro. So youve gotten to listen to this CD a few times by now, better than the band debut, “Funeral”?

Mike: “Funeral” has to be in the top five best albums of the decade, it gonna be hard to ever top that, but Win Butler and his crew obviously wanted to get their hands dirty with different sounds on this release.

incandescentbanter: Really? Please expand.

Mike: Well this album experiments with a larger variety of different styles as compared to their pervious albums. It also lacks some of their signature mega phone aided anthem belting.

incandescentbanter: So what does the album have to offer?

Mike: Smutty emotion, grimy energy, grubby reflection, and filthy ensembles of beautiful instrumentation. All that youd expect for the band carrying indies banner to the arena.

incandescentbanter: Might want to find some different adjectives on that last one.

Arcade Fire

The Suburbs

Merge (2010)

8.5

Well its official, the 90s are the new 80s. Time to get back into the 90ular grove by reintroducing yourself to... The RCP90

Remember these things? Spending long hours after school with the bros in front of the tube, playing ole 007 Goldeneye. Fighting for the clear controllers, rotating the fifth man in, and most importantly, rushing to get that ole RCP90 in the Facility.

Wow, what a gun, what a game, what a system. Those who stumbled upon someone with the RCippy9-0 were in trouble thats for sure.

There even a band named after it.

Were you Goldeneye king of your junior high buds?

Is the RCP90 even real?

Wouldnt be nice if you could just walk over things and they were in your hands like in viddy games?

Interview with Tom Skilling the Music Critic

After years of being the premiere weatherman of Chicagoland, Tom has made the career move towards music criticism in reviewing the Decemberists’ classic release, The Crane Wife.

incandescentbanter: So Tom, we will get right to it, does this album deserve all of the acclaim?

Tom: Absolutely, The Crane Wife will always brighten up a rainy day for me. It shines with beautiful harmony, douses with multi-instrumental songs, and catches your attention with a blizzard of catchy riffs.

incandescentbanter: Low points, high points of the album?

Tom: I can honestly say, these isnt much to say when it comes to low points, Shankill Butchers is probably the weakest song. But the first four songs form a perfect storm of awesome.

incandescentbanter: So whats the forecast for the future of The Crane Wife?

Tom: If we look at the radar, Id say its one of those CDs that only has a 10% chance of going out of style.

Incandescentbanter: Well thank you weatherman, for the interview.

Tom: I have the same exact face in every picture.

The Decemberists

The Crane Wife

Capitol (2006)

9.0

ADVERSITMENT

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For a single payment, you can receive a new tee every month with a relevant, current, and up to date design on it. Say that you want people who look at your chest to know that you are a sympathizer for those people and animals affected by the Gulf Oil Spill. What better way than have a sarcastic, witty, and thought provoking tee like this one on?

Who knows, maybe people will then come to the conclusion that you are a relevant, current, up to date, sarcastic, witty, and thought provoking person. And we all want that right?

Would you ever get a Tee Subscription of would this be a ‘bogus scam’?

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So lately thinking bout old people. Really cant wait to be an old guy myself. I have big plans:

How to spend time: Sit on an ole porch on a comfy chair watching the front lawn. Yell at any person under the age of 35 to stay off the grass. Call anyone under the age of 35 a ‘whippersnapper,’ or ‘wanker.’

How to cover my wrinkly body: An old plaid flat cap. A Hawaiian print button up for summer, and a fugly sweater for winter. And golf knickers just to stay stylin.

Maybe Ill spend my time playing viddy games to relive my arthritis.

Maybe Ill pick up a self destructing habit and ‘hope it works out’ like it did for this lady.

Are you scared of getting old?

How can I make my ‘golden years into ‘platinum yeas’? Or better yet, ‘unobtanium years’ {via Avatar}?

Do you believe that life will bring you full circle {via diapers}?

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Well its official, the 90s are the new 80s. Time to get back into the 90ular grove by reintroducing yourself to... YAK BAK

Remember these things? Its amazing how such a simple electronic device could win the hearts of so many children and the Toys’r’us charge of so many parents.

Apparently they took it a lot further than just the ‘Say It’ and ‘Play It’…

In case a girl wants one I guess. Why is it that the girl one that can say “Loser” and “Hate It”

Yak Bak + Giga Pets = Yak Live with “Awesome Graphics!”

Were Talkboys better because of the strategic product placement?

Do you miss slash never got into the Yak Bak craze?

Should I carry a Yak Bak at all times ‘just in case’?

Were Yak Baks a better kids fad than Zanybandz?